Well tomorrow officially marks three weeks on testosterone. Honestly I’m starting to feel “right” on the inside and I don’t know how to explain that to anyone so please don’t ask. But my brain and my body are getting along a lot more than they have I think in my entire life. Now I’m in “Damn I need to lose weight” mode instead of having this complete disconnect from my physical self. So it’s a whole new set of challenges coming ahead of me, but I don’t see it as a bad thing. The only negative side effect really is this nagging headache and being more hungry. Which isn’t helping the weight loss situation at all. *grumbles*
I’ve also had to implement a face care routine during my shower every night because holy oily skin, Batman. My voice apparently is dropping but I hear myself every day so I don’t really notice it much. But everyone else seems to, so that’s cool. Didn’t think that would happen this fast, but I’m here for it.
Life is really pretty good though. Back to focusing on myself and the dreams I have for myself. This is my time after so long of waiting for it to be and I don’t want a single thing to keep me from enjoying this journey. I’m sure it will have its challenges, but I’m stoked for it.
I have my first therapist appointment in about six years next week, too. Not for anything specific, but I figure it’s not going to hurt me having a therapist on the off chance that things come up later. More of a mental maintenance plan, if you will. But it will be good and I think it’s something I need to have in place anyway. I think we all could use a little therapy, honestly.
Oh – and lastly – the name change. So I filed the petition a couple of weeks ago. I’m waiting on them to set a court date so I can take it and get it published and then that will be a whole thing, too.
I think the coolest thing about this whole process has been being able to educate people on trans issues and things that I go through in being trans. I have played second life for years and I have a lot of friends there who, before they met me, really didn’t know anything about it. So it has given me a chance to really kind of educate people on things they thought were facts that really were just nonsense agenda. Which has been draining at times, but in the end, it’s been great. I don’t go around with a flag like “Hey look at me!” or anything, but it’s not something I’m ashamed to talk about. The lack of communication and bridging that gap is the whole reason there’s so much wrong information out there in the first place. Instead of having a conversation, we just get pissed off and throw more hate at the other side. When, really, communication is the only thing that’s going to ever make it any better.
To top off that, I have a few who are fiercely protective of me, too. So if someone comes at me sideways and my anxiety freezes me, it’s still taken care of. Which is awesome. Because some days it can be a lot trying to get people to stop and listen for a minute.
Anyway – I could write a whole blog post about that, but I’ll spare you for now. Off to get some dinner and watch Hulu before I go to bed. Love y’all!
Leave a Reply